My immortal
by Kyahbell
Summary: My little guardian angel. That's what Murphy had called her. Honor began to shake as the severity of her situation began to sink in and those words echoed through her mind, stirring up memories she had desperately tried to leave behind. She was never going to get out of this alive.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi everyone, just a quick note from me to you!

I don't own any of the BDS characters. I could claim to own Honor... but that would imply more control than I think I actually have over this story. The song used is "my immortal" by Evanescence... more because a few of the lyrics speak to how Honor is feeling than serving as a strict plot line.

Australian author here, so please excuse any spelling errors (yes we spell some things differently over here) and my Gawd awful attempts at writing this Irish accent. I know I'm going to suck at it... hopefully your wonderful imaginations will help me out and you will hear it perfectly in your minds.

Also please excuse the foreign language pieces... I am completely reliant on google for this... and fully aware that I may be well off the mark. Please feel free to (kindly) correct me if I'm way off base.

Reviews are loved, cherished and celebrated with happy dancing. I struggle with chaptered fics (please don't let that discourage you from reading) so your support is truly appreciated. This story just won't go away so I am going to do my best to get this finished and out there.

Finally, this story idea actually started as a tattoo design that popped into my head... and then developed from there. A little unconventional, but who am I to argue? I drew the tattoo (that will appear later in this story) first and you can find it on Tumblr:

kyahbell . Tumblr . com

*and thank you to the person who brought my attention to the fact this chapter was repeated. I hope I've fixed it.

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Chapter 1.

_ "I'm so tired of being here_

_ Suppressed by all my childish fears..."_

Honor wasn't sure if it had been the pain that had dragged her back to consciousness, or if she had merely awoken to have the pain consume her. Either way she was certain that she had never been in as much pain as she was in this moment and her brain was too unfocused and confused to narrow down a particular injury.

It was dark. Impossibly dark. The kind of dark that bore down on you and made you unsure of even the most basic truths; Her name was Honor. She was living in Boston. She had a mother and father who were worried about how thin she was becoming and why she hadn't found a nice young man to settle down with. These truths meant nothing in this kind of darkness, and may as well have been light years away for all the comfort they brought to her in the never ending darkness.

After sitting still for a moment, Honor attempted to push through the pain and focus on what she could determine; She was sitting in a chair. Her hands and feet were bound and she was barefoot. She was dressed, but not in anything substantial – she could feel a cool, faint breeze filtering through the material and causing her to shake – and she was dirty. She could feel her long hair sticking to the back of her neck and a thin sheen of sweat, long since cold from the cool air, clinging to her body. How long had she been here? Where was she?

There were no sounds around her. Nothing that offered a clue or something to cling to as she sat. The silence almost brought her to tears – more than the pain and more than the fear. It brought on the feeling of being completely alone, a feeling that she had been trying to grow accustomed to in the last year since... since he left.

She wanted to whimper, to cry out and scream, but the material that gagged her refused to allow anything other than her muffled sobs escape.

Eventually the sound of a door opening disturbed the silence and Honor was momentarily caught between relief and terror. It was a few moments before she felt a rough movement drag her chair forward, and a still rougher voice, heavily accented, hiss in her ear.

"You are going to tell us where your saints are _il mio angelo custode"_

Honor's sobs subsided immediately, and the fear that she had felt upon waking paled to a mild concern compared to the complete terror that suddenly washed over her when she heard the foreign language.

She had never learned to speak another language. She couldn't even curse in anything other than English, but Murphy McManus had whispered those words to her so many times in their year together - a murmured term of endearment as he ghosted kisses over her skin in the darkness of their room. She would recognise it anywhere.

My little guardian angel. That's what Murphy had called her.

Honor began to shake as the severity of her situation began to sink in and those words echoed through her mind, stirring up memories she had desperately tried to leave behind.

She was never going to get out of this alive.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: so this is the second chapter, and the story will go on like this until the end. The Italic chapters are flashbacks. The normal font chapters are current. Eventually I'll move into a couple of Chapters from Murphy's POV (in the same manner: Current and flashback), but that won't happen until I get closer to the end of the story.

Also, for those who are reading, I changed languages with "my guardian angel" in the first chapter. Very sorry for the swapping and changing, but Italian will make my life so much easier in regards to plot as it will follow the movies much more closely this way.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and feel compelled to let me know what you think. I apologise again for the dismal Irish accents... it's easier to hear in my head than write it down.

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_Honor wasn't much of a drinker, although she had plenty of opportunities to perfect the past time. She preferred to be in control. To remember everything she had done and not regret any foolish actions. Except for St. Patrick's day._

_ It was the one day of the year she let her hair down and allowed herself to be swept away by the good cheer, good cheek, good accents and good Guinness – a combination that could be found at McGinty's pub on any given evening but was one hundred times personified when celebrating the patron saint and Ireland itself._

_ So wearing her new and carefully chosen green top that seemed to match her eyes and practical yet cute jeans, Honor entered the Irish bar and made a beeline for the bar and the man behind it._

_ "Doc!" she called as she squeezed between two patrons who gladly gave her a grin and a appraising look._

_ Doc looked up from the glass he was filling at the sound of her voice, and with a quick and easy smile, discarded the drink and made his way over to her._

_ "H..Hon...Honor! It must be St. Patrick's day. The o...only time I ever get to see yer p...pr...pretty face" he greeted her._

_ Honor smiled at his greeting and leant over the bar to place a kiss on his cheek, causing the elderly bartender to blush._

_ "You see me often enough Doc, you just only see me drinking on Paddy's day"_

_ "Guinness?" He offered, placing a glass on the counter and waving her money away when she tried to hand it to him._

_ "Yer m...money's no good here H...Hon...Honor. Enjoy yerself a.. an... and don't go m...mixing with any o...of these drunken Irish. Ye...ye... yer too good for 'em"_

_ Honor waved his compliments away and with a smile, headed down to the other end of the bar to find an empty chair and watch the celebrations unfold around her._

_ The bar was loud. A pleasant, yet chaotic mix of talking and laughing over a steady soundtrack of music and glasses clinking. Smoke curled around her in waves and she felt herself absently wishing for a cigarette, although she hadn't smoked in months._

_ Occasionally someone stopped to say hello, exchange a few pleasantries because they vaguely recognised her from somewhere before, but mostly she was left alone. She had just turned around to ask Doc for one last drink before she headed out, when someone grabbed her hand and spun her around._

_ Before Honor could establish what had happened, she felt a hard body and someone's lips pressed against her own. The hand at the small of her back, pressing her firmly against the stranger matched the warmth of the other that had come to rest on the back of her neck. He smelled of Guinness, cigarette smoke and a cologne that she loved but couldn't quite place. His tongue was slowly exploring her mouth, gently trying to coax a reaction out of her and just as she felt her eyes begin to flutter closed, she realised she didn't know this guy's name. She had never seen him before._

_ Her revelation dragged her out of the sensual moment and with all the strength she could muster, she placed both her hands on his chest and shoved him away before slapping him as hard as she could across the face. The man was so drunk he was unable to maintain his balance and he promptly stumbled back another pace and fell to the floor._

_ He looked up at her, his perfect blue eyes alight with nothing but mischief as a small chuckle escaped him. "I think I love yeh! Will yeh marry me my little guardian angel?" he asked her, his hand coming up to rest against his heart as though it was a signal of his new found devotion to her._

_ Honor scoffed, trying to ignore how attractive the man was and how the look he was giving her caused a small shiver to shoot down her spine. "I don't even know your name asshole" she bit back, hoping she sounded as annoyed as she felt she should be._

_ He gave her a smirk. "Murphy MacManus, and the cackling eejit over there is me brother Connor" he told her, pointing to a nearby booth that held a man with similar eyes, but lighter hair. He was laughing so hard he had leant against the table for support._

_ "You strike out often with women MacManus? Your bother seems to find the whole thing rather amusing" Honor commented, looking down at the man who was still on the floor near her feet._

_ Murphy quickly stood, a faint blush staining his features, and grinned sheepishly at her once he was back on his feet._

_ "Aye, I may not be quite as smooth as me brother when it comes ta women. But I never back down on a dare" he admitted, running a hand through his dark hair._

_ Honor fought a smile that threatened to break through her serious demeanour, "Well MacManus, if you want to improve your game, I'll give you a piece of advice. Don't go around assaulting women. At least chat to them first" she told him, before turning around, offering a wave of farewell to Doc and making her way towards the exit._

_ "Will I see yeh again il mio angelo custode?" Murphy called out to her, flashing her a cheeky grin as she turned to face him._

_ Honor merely shrugged before slipping through the doors and into the night._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"_...and if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave_

_your presence still lingers here_

_and it won't leave me alone.."_

Honor shook her head violently, as though she could dislodge the painful memory from her mind. She was kidding herself. Even the pain coursing through her body wasn't making those memories of Murphy fade. The year she had spent trying to forget him had done nothing to help her eradicate him from her heart. Now, as she sat, still bound to the chair, still surrounded by the dark, it had come tumbling back into her and the onslaught of memories took her breath away.

She had no sense of time. No inkling of how long she had been held by these men who foolishly thought that she could help them get their hands on the saints. They were so far from the truth that Honor would have laughed if she had been physically capable of it. She had no idea how to get out of this situation alive. She could tell them that she knew nothing of the saints until she was blue in the face, but why would they believe her? They thought that she was the key to finding them. That Murphy was in love with her and therefore his weakness. They were so very wrong. He had never loved her, and the thought of telling them that hurt worse than any of her injuries. She had never voiced that knowledge aloud. Her heart had known it the second she heard their apartment door close behind her the night she walked out – and the silence that followed indicating that he wasn't going to walk through it to bring her back. Her mind, however, had shut down the information and refused to process it.

The door burst open and Honor was startled out of her thoughts as the lights flooded the room and two strange men came to stand before her. There was a resounding crack as the first man struck her across the face with no warning, causing her left cheek to burst into a hot and burning pain. She let out a strangled gasp as her body tried to deal with the pain.

"You are going to tell us where your saints are" the man barked as he pulled the material that forced her silence away from her mouth. Honor managed to control her breathing enough to raise her eyes to him.

"I can't tell you..." Honor began, but another backhand cut short her response. The hit landed hard across her cheekbone, replicating the first slap perfectly and doubling the pain that coursed through her. This time she was unable to keep the tears from slipping down her cheeks.

"Do not lie. It will not help you. Where are your saints?" the man demanded again. His voice was harsh but controlled, no doubt from years of experience with this very kind of interrogation.

"They're not my saints" Honor muttered, and tried to shake the extra tears that clung to her long, dark lashes. She looked to the floor as the admission left her lips, but she could hear the man standing before her scoff.

"Lies _il mio angelo custode_"

"Don't call me that" Honor demanded, her voice coming out in a pained whisper instead of the angry hiss she had hoped it to be.

The man laughed heartily at her, as though she were nothing more than a trifle amusement. "Why? Does it remind you of your saint?" He asked, his tone taking on a cruel edge that had Honor looking back up at him.

"How did you...?"

"Enough. How stupid do you think we are? This is very important to all parties involved. Our research is extensive. We know the saints love you."

"You know nothing" Honor muttered, lowering her gaze once more. There was that word again. _Love_. The most deceiving word in the dictionary. The most crippling emotion of the human condition. The reason she was here. If she had only been more sceptical. More careful with her heart. She sighed before a rough hand grabbed her face, forcing her to look back to the man who held her captive.

"We know more than enough. We know you have been helping the saints since their first encounter with the Russians. We know you are Murphy MacManus' weakness and we _will_ use you to end him. As he deserves."

"I cannot help you" Honor replied, forcing as much confidence as she could muster into her statement, all the while trying to keep the memories of that day in the hospital at bay.

"you think you _won't_ help us. But you will, I can ensure it" the man sneered before pushing her roughly away from him. The force of the impact sent her backwards, the rungs of the chair she was bound to sinking painfully into her back. Before she could adjust to the new pain coursing through her body, the room was once again plunged into darkness. She was once again left alone, in the dark, with nothing to stop the memories coming to her once more.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: thanks for sticking with me everyone. Here is another flashback chapter. I have to say these are easily my favourite to write - but I wouldn't really have a story without the current chapters.**

**Does anyone have anything they'd like to see in the flashback chapters? I'm trying to convey Honor and Murphy's relationship through them without having to complete a whole chaptered story to get the feeling across. I'll happily try to work things in if you have any thoughts. :)**

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Chapter 4

_The ring tone of her phone slowly but surely penetrated through her sleep. Far too soon the blue eyes, the warm hands and the delicious cologne faded from her dream and the harsh sunlight combined with the annoyingly chipper pop song dragged her to consciousness. _

"_Damn it!" Honor growled, scrunching her eyes closed at the bright morning and desperately trying to cling to the last remnants of her dream that had left her feeling soft and warm and content. _

_The phone kept ringing however, not at all deterred by her outburst. Sighing heavily she turned on her side and grabbed at the offending device on her night stand, pressing the button to connect the call._

"_Hallo?" she half growled, falling onto her back once more and staring at the ceiling, the fleeting thought of giving the place a coat of paint floating across her thoughts._

"_H...Ho...Honor?" a familiar voice drifted through the phone, immediately causing her to sit up, her sheets pooling at her waist._

"_Doc? Doc! Is everything okay" she asked, completely awake and fighting against the slight concern that was pushing its way into her mind. Doc hardly ever called her, even though she had given the man her number years before, just in case he ever needed her._

"_Everything is f...fi..fine lass. Don't ye w..worry none. I just need a f...fa..favour" Doc soothed, and Honor let out a sigh of relief._

"_Of course Doc, anything for my favourite bar tender"_

"_Git on with ye H...Ho..Honor," Doc replied. Honor could almost hear the blush in his voice, "Is ye... yer boyfriend aroun' H..Ho...Honor?" he continued quietly, as though he didn't want the man in question to here him._

_Honor glanced around, although the fact that she was alone in bed was almost proof enough that her boyfriend was not in the apartment._

"_No, he's not Doc. I'm not sure he even stayed here last night. I fell asleep soon after I came home from the bar" she told him honestly. She hadn't seen Brett in a couple of days and, truth be told, she wasn't overly worried about it. They hardly talked any more and he seemed more concerned with her being by his side then anything that may have mattered to her._

"_Ah... th... that's good lass, because I need ye to head down to the ho.. hospital for me"_

"_Hospital? Doc! You told me everything was alright..."_

"_It is lass... e..everything is fine. I got a c...call from the b...boys. Th... they need someone to m...m...mee...get down there. FUCK!... ASS!"_

"_The boys?" Honor inquired, not sure who Doc was referring to._

"_C...Connor and M...Murphy" Doc told her. Honor felt herself still at the mention of those names. Murphy. The blue eyed Irishman from the bar._

"_Are they alright Doc?" Honor prodded. The thought of the charismatic man hurt pulled at her heartstrings. She didn't know him, but he had made her smile so easily the night before that she wouldn't wish any harm to befall him._

"_Th... they're okay Honor. T... they just got into a bit 'o a scrap is all. They need a lift to the p...police station"_

"_Doc, this doesn't sound like a bit 'o a scrap," she scolded, mocking his accent slightly. She heard him scoff at her attempts._

"_Trust m.. me, t...they're fine."_

_Honor sighed. It didn't seem as though she was going to get any more information out of the man._

"_Alright Doc, I'll shower and get down there straight away. Don't you worry none" She told him._

"_Th... thank ye lass. Y... yer a good girl."_

_Honor laughed, "Try telling my mother that Doc. I'll give you a call later to let you know how I got on"_

"_Ye be s...su...sure to do that Honor"_

_She confirmed that she would before ending the call and tossing her phone onto the blankets and dragging a hand through her long, sleep messed hair. Although she was more than a little curious about why she had to go to the hospital and the police station, she couldn't quite quiet the small part of her that was jumping up and down at the thought of seeing Murphy again, no matter what the circumstances._

_Honor walked through the halls of the hospital, unsure of where to start looking for the two brothers. She was hesitant to ask the reception for assistance – having no information other than that she was looking for a Connor and a Murphy._

_She tugged at her old T-shirt in frustration before glancing down the hallway in front of her and stopping short. The two men in question were a little further down the hallway. Conner was standing with a young boy's hands in his own, while Murphy sat beside the boy on a hospital bed._

"_Easier than I thought" Honor muttered to herself as she watched them play with the boy, causing him to smile and laugh. A smile formed on her own face at the sight, before she noticed the blood staining the robes the brothers were wearing. The jarring visual caused her to start moving again and the boys noticed her just before she reached them._

_Murphy looked up, recognition lighting his eyes almost immediately. He smiled her way and lightly tapped Connor on the shoulder, causing him to turn his gaze on her as well._

"_Well what do ye know, me dear brother must be able ta kiss if you followed us all the way down here" Connor quipped, his eyes lighting up with amusement. Before Honor could form a witty retort, Murphy reached out and delivered a quick slap up the side of his brother's head._

"_il mio angelo custode, what brings ye here? Are ye alright?" Murphy asked her, ignoring the way Connor was rubbing his head, and pushing himself off the bed to stand in front of her._

"_I'm fine," Honor told him, unable to shift her gaze from the blood that covered him. Murphy's gaze followed her own before he looked up at her. He reached out and gently tucked a strand of hair that had escaped from her messy ponytail, behind her ear._

"_We're alrigh' lass. Looks worse than it is" he told her, offering a small smile of reassurance. Honor nodded vaguely before her eyes switched to Connor and the heavy bandages that covered both his wrists._

"_What happened to you both?" she asked, meeting Connor's gaze, who smiled sheepishly at her before shrugging._

"_jus' a little bar fight tha got outta hand is all" he told her. Honor raised an eyebrow, not quite believing his story before she turned to Murphy again._

"_I didn't really expect to see you again, but Doc called me. He said you needed a lift to the police station?" _

_Murphy dropped his gaze slightly and Honor thought she heard a quiet groan escape him._

"_tha's right lass, jus' need ta go and clear up a misunderstandin is all. We appreciate ye comin down here" Connor spoke up._

"_It's no problem. I'm parked out the front if you're ready to go" both the boys nodded in agreement, so Honor set off the way she had come, only stopping when she realised they weren't following her. She turned to see them arguing softly. She couldn't overhear what was being said, but the argument abruptly ended with Connor slapping Murphy up the head, an action that, Honor was rapidly realising, was a common occurrence between them. She waited as Murphy quickly caught up to her and gently placed a hand at her back to guide her forward. His warm touch launched her back to their meeting the night before and she fought not to blush._

"_So, il mio angelo custode," he started, before Honor interrupted him._

"_What does that even mean?" she asked. Murphy graced her with a warm grin before replying._

"_My little guardian angel – in Italian"_

"_You speak Italian?"_

_"Among other things"_

"_I'm impressed" Honor admitted, opening the front doors of the hospital and stepping outside, sparing a glance behind them to ensure Connor was still following them. He was moving at a far slower pace as he limped badly, staying close to the wall for support._

"_I'm glad ye said that, it might mean this will come out in my favour. Connor pointed out ta me tha I may have been a tad backwards in my approach to ye last night"_

_Honor laughed, "And?"_

"_And I was hoping ye would let me fix tha. Let me take ye out?" Murphy continued. He ducked his head a little as he asked, and the shy gesture caused her to grin, her attention momentarily taken from Connor._

"_And how do I know you won't try and accost me again MacManus?" Honor teased. Murphy raised his head again, his eyes smiling._

"_I promise ye I'll be the perfect gentleman me ma raised me ta be"_

_Honor looked at him for a moment longer. She could tell he was uncomfortable as his hand came to rub the back of his neck. His gaze never left hers though and she found she couldn't think of a single reason why she wanted to say no._

"_Alright MacManus." she finally told him. She was rewarded with another brilliant grin from him before he turned back to watch his brother hobble through the doors._

"_Shouldn't we help? He can hardly walk" Honor asked._

"_Aye, otherwise we'll ne're get outta here" Murphy agreed. He quickly made his way back to Connor, slipping one arm around his waist while letting Connor take a tight hold around his shoulders._

"_How about tonight?" Murphy continued as they reached her car. This made Honor stop. She had forgotten about Brett. How does that even happen? She wondered briefly until she realised that Murphy was waiting patiently for her response._

"_I can't tonight. I have something that needs to be done. How about tomorrow?" she compromised. Murphy smiled and nodded in agreement. _

"_So ye put me poor sap of a brother outta his misery and agreed to go out with him?" he enquired cheekily as he slid into the back seat of her car._

"_I did, Connor. He just went on and on about how he couldn't spend another night with his embarrassing brother and I found I couldn't say no" Honor retorted, smiling at him through the rear-view mirror after she had secured her seatbelt._

"_Ah now lass, yer unkind!" Connor huffed, trying to silence Murphy's growing laughter with a punch to the shoulder._

"_I am, I am," Honor agreed, "That's why I think you and I will get along just fine Connor"_


End file.
